Something every girl should keep in her handbag

I love office supplies.

Peep, peep...

Memo from Bitsy to a new employee sitting in an adjacent office

Dear Mr. Tran:
As you are going to be my new neighbor, I felt you should be aware of several very important and non-negotiable ground rules. It would behoove you to make the time to read, understand and know these rules.

1). The table is mine. If you are working on a special project and would like to use the table, you may submit a request in writing 2 weeks prior to desired use, although your request will likely be denied as the table is mine.
2). Do not rifle through my drawers or under my desk. You are not to answer my phone or use my computer for any reason.
3). The colored pencils are for specific, work-related activities only. They are not for graffiti, doodling, or tattooing pictures of models in brochures.
4). My desk is cluttered - if this disturbs you, don't look at it.
5). I'm very popular, and for that reason from time to time people will stop by to talk to me. Do not include yourself in these conversations. Try not to become jealous of my popularity.
6). Do not address me. If I want to talk to you - I will address you.
7). My rolodex is mine. If you want one, get your own.
8). I do not drink coffee. I am not going to change. I do not want to have any discussions about the fact that I do not drink coffee. If you drink coffee, you should give serious consideration to giving it up.
9). These rules only apply to others. I am exempt from above rules.
10). I reserve the right to amend ground rules at any time.

I work both in and out of the office. These rules apply all the time - not just when I am here. Occasionally, I will test you and "leave" the office only to return quickly. This will allow us the opportunity to develop mutual respect and trust. I suggest you do not disappoint me.

Ground rules may be posted in your new station for the first few weeks until you become accustomed to your new environment. As long as you abide by these rules, we will get along just fine.

Most importantly, welcome to the neighborhood!